Monday, January 26, 2009

humphrey b bear
Humphrey B bear is an Australian children's television character .
I had a friend who was a stage manager . They used to refer actor's wearing costumes as "suits"
Apparently there are quite a few different "humphrey" actors. My friend told me a story that one day "humphrey" showed up with a really terrible hangover and actually threw up in his suit , and still managed to complete the whole show which was being filmed live . Not sure if it's true but it's a great story . I guess you could call this song a children's song with a bit of an edge to it . Not sure if Justine Clark would sing it but here's hoping .

Heres's the lyrics

"Im just a little bumble bee
and I can fly everywhere
and where I want to bee
is just next to you
You've got such pretty flowers
I could spend hours right next to you
I'm smelling your honey
and don't seem funny to this bumble bee
dip dip dip
and i will down into your sweet honey
I'm thinking 'bout stinging you all the bloody time
you're the sweetest waratah
Humphrey Bee Bear stole my honey !!!!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

williamsbeard song

Why do people in Williamsburg all have beards and tattoos ? It might not be a good idea to admit that I listen to Olivia NJ but I can hear the John Farrar influence in the music surrounding the word "prosciutto" . Here's the Lyrics

"Williamsbeard's hip . I live in Williamsbeard. I try to look poor. I dress like a homeless person who's lost his razor . A few blocks away , amigo is almost homeless. I live in Williamsbeard. I like prosciutto . Half a piggy died for my lunch . Just a few blocks away same sanga costs 2 bucks. Williamsbeard's hip .

Sunday, January 18, 2009

fried chicken

I wrote this song when I was working as a musical in a mental institution in Queens 2000-2001 . The teenage patients where mostly the result of the crack epidemic . They where heavily sedated and also heavily into Fried Chicken and music that involved a drum machine. They where fed a cocktail of various drugs , which made them controllable and fat . I suspect that most of them have heart disease and diabetes already . I tried to teach them musical instruments but ended up getting them to sing and rap along with my drum machine . We made a little CD . Despite their problem's they where actually lovable , many of them charming .

I see the song as a metaphor for what happens when a population has no health insurance and no musical education . The end result if taken to the extreme would be something like this tune .

Over the years I have rewritten several different versions and eventually translated it into chinese :
" You Zha Ji .... Dian Nao Gu "

The "deep fried" version is the final one . The whole population becomes insane and has a brain meltdown .

At the request of Tassie "drummer du jour" Jordan Perlson, " fried Chicken" is now the bands chaser .

Listen to them here ( the live one is the "headmasters" playing in sydney at the basement in 2007

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I like to move forward as a composer ... I try to write quickly ( usually a piece is finished in a couple of hours ) . I like to think of it as improvising really slowly ( like 15 mins per bar ) . Occasionally a piece will get worked on for a couple of days or revisited a month later . This piece was written in way back 1994 . Back then I got my first sampler ( an EPS 16 plus ) . I wrote a bunch of music on it . It was the beginning of my songwriting ( as opposed to instrumentals ) . The pieces I wrote back then have a special place in my heart . A great deal of it was lost . I didn't document things properly then . I had about 30 tunes on a 90 minute cassette which used to live in my car and was finally lost . The sampler was also stolen after a year or 2 with plenty of tunes on it . We lived in a "sketchy" neighbourhood in South Maroubra , Sydney .

A lot of the tunes didn't have many lyrics . Often it was up to the discretion of the singer Lily Dior that was singing for "Banana" which tunes ever got performed . Many of them never saw the light of day , often my favorites .

As years past I kept revisiting the surviving recordings from the sampler , just to listen . Recently I was so inspired by them that I rerecorded a few and added new sections etc .

Today I was reading the newspaper and I read an article about a new pharmaceutical product called "lumigan" . Made by the people who made Botox , it supposedly gives you longer eyelashes , and various unfortunate side effects. It is pretty amusing what people will do to try and return to their youth . Physically I am happy to grow old gracefully . If I want to remember the past I have my old recordings . Some bitter-sweet memories from back them I might prefer to forget , but couldn't if I tried .

OK enough already here's the lyrics

" I don't need no Botox
I don't need no Rograine ( well i do actually ;)
I just need to dull the pain
I don't need no Lumigan

I'm passing over
You're memory
I can't over your good self

I can't forget 94 "

Saturday, January 10, 2009

stan stapleton song

I found this guy Stan Stapleton giving away James Muller's music for free on the internet . He plays guitar in a Santana tribute band in St Louis ( true !! ) 
I find it profoundly depressing that the guy is a musician and not a teenager who doesn't know the difference between right or wrong . I thought if I wrote a song about him it might publicly shame the guy ( since the governments and court's have failed to protect our rights as composers/musicians ) . Unfortunately it has backfired . I emailed him this song and he loves it ...he can't wait to become "famous" . 

"Stan Stapleton plays guitar in a Santana tribute band 
I love James Muller's playing I am giving away for free on my blog 
without his permission
Stan Stapleton from St Louis " 

Here's the song 

Here's our email exchange . As far as I am concerned , if James wanted to give his music away for free he would . This guy has NO RIGHT to hand it out . 

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 8:57 AM, stan stapleton  wrote:

Hello Sean.

 First i must comment you on what a great player you are, your music really awesome.

It seems no one has heard of the fantastic James Muller, that guy's one of best i've heard, truly amazing. I wanted to share this with the masses, i hope it helps get the word out about you guys.

I play lead guitar in a Santana Tribute Band, which is not even close to the music magic you guys are throwing down. I also own approximately 98% of the cd's i post, i buy these cd's to support the artist, i post cd's in lame mp3 and hope it helps spread the word about your work.

If you or James Muller ever comes to St. Louis MO. i will buy a ticket and attend the show.

Thats another way for me to support the artist.

--- On Tue, 12/2/08, Sean Wayland wrote:

    From: Sean Wayland
    Date: Tuesday, December 2, 2008, 4:08 PM


    re: james muller blog .

    I dont think it's the right thing to do mate

under d tree restaurant song

I imagined a carribean guy moving to NY to follow the American dream and ending up working in a restaurant in Crown Heights called " Under D Tree restaurant " .
A restaurant by that name exists in the east village I believe .
He works hard but eventually decides to go home to an easy life . Unfortunately the french test a nuclear weapon and blow him and his mates to pieces .
My wife thinks the song should have a happy ending .
Any suggestions gladly accepted

No more Crown Heights
No more funk
and there'll be no more Under D tree restaurant

I wont be cooking
No Jerking Chicken
I wont be serving no African American


No more goat stew
No Gizzades
No pickapeppa
No more Matouk's Flambeau red sauce

No more Codfish Ball's
No Boiled Yam
No curried callaldo
no more oven-baked breadfruit


trust fund song

These days you need a trust fund to have a musical career it seems .

"musician wanted

you we need somebody

we need somebody

not just anyone

no junkie , no time wasters , no bad attitude

if you can play

if you can fly

you know we need your body

we need your one

bass player wanted and he/she must have

own gear , car, trust fund too

influences : nursery rhymes

oh you got me ... oh you found me .. can I play with you "

no credit no problem song

I remember walking into guitar center last year . They had a sign up advertising their lay-by plan " Play today .. Pay Tommorow "

In this tune our hapless heroes have started a band , have their own rehearsal pad , the best guitars and dope around , all paid for with bank loans and credit cards .

Untrained as musicians, the band is a musical failure and they proceed to smoke the American ( and world ) economy down the gurgler so to speak .

Apologies to my father for using drug references in a song .

unfortunately my computer wont allow a ? to be in a filename of an .mp3 file

Heres the lyrics :

"no credit no problem

bank manager say its ok

its not his money anyway

guitar center got a new deal

play today pay tommorow

got no job got no cash

but we got cable TV

got a new house , its a cool flat

got the best dope around

toke it us , smoke it like that

where all going down going down

suck it up , take it like that

where all going down going down "

faith bank song


The pastor wants you to accumulate wealth
Vote for our elected representative of the faith bank
This sermon is brought to you by our proud sponsors
My portfolio will not include Roger Casement or Oscar Wilde"

dr google song

If you're a freak and a hypochondriac like me you probably spend hours research your various assumed illnesses on the internet 

"ask Dr Google ,
Your wand has gotten slighty broken
your shaving your ears
not having health insurance is no longer a problem for you
whatever you've got ask Dr G , he has all the answers for you" 

double happiness

Double Happiness is a cigarette brand in China . My wife is Chinese , and I have spent a bit of time over there . I imagine that in the future all the Chinese will be rich and drinking coffee and living lives as jazz musos and artists while the Americans work in factories to build electronic gadgets and phones for them . Here is the song Lyrics . Zhang-san and Wang-Wu are chinese names with numbers in them . There are so many Chinese people that a son will often become Zhang number 5 etc ... San means 3 and Wu is 5 .

in an LA factory

we gotta build some brand new phones

ones for the shanghai master of tone : Zhang-san

Wang-wu's heading down to the double happiness cafe

he'll take his americano grande

and he'll head home to work on his saxophone

dongagra song

I was thinking about the guys who invented viagra sitting around thinking of a name for it . Viagra was a a cop out of a name I reckon . Here is my version of the TV advertisement song for my special name for it "dongagra"

"brand new thang-drug
new dongagra wont you let me love you long time
results may vary
side-effects may include sniggering chemist
my prescriptions running low again

if your pride lasts for days contact guiness book right away

rest your richard gere on your james genus
pass me that walnut
double my dose please "

beds thai ( bed -stuy) thai restaurant lyrics

is that a thai-ping error
does that say thai-lenol thai restaurant
put on your suit and thai
lets hit the bed stuy thai restaurant

catalog man brings the tom yum goong

cook that piggy . cook it kow moo dang

why not get your Nam Maprow On

cancel reservations

I am all THAID up

dont bring me , bring me S Thai D

ive tried that dish before

dont panic its not the thai-tanic

designer babies

I was watching "the doctors" show on TV. it is now possible to select the sex of your offspring and hand pick characteristics . people are paying top dollar for the service already .
I imagined a father deciding to have a girl , with characteristics of his own choice . It's suitably complex , which the new breed will certainly appreciate , even if its hard for us old schoolers to perform .

Hey Daddy why do I like beer ?
I designed it like that
I love jazz fusion music I'm the only girl who does
I designed it like that
Ive got my mum's but
I dig Frank Zappa
I hate shopping
and I never forget the bridge "

Perhaps I should ask Bobby " the wrist " Wayland to perform it

You should listen to his song " Baywatch and beer"

not sure if he could cope with the 7/4 bit ... but he has the right attitude

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Prog Jazz movement

Partial list of "instrumentalist/virtuoso" (Jazz?) musicians to include " vocal numbers" into their recordings/gigs recently :

These bandleaders who previously had been showcasing their instrumentalist abilities have been more recently including vocals into their music . Is it a sign of the hard times facing the jazz industry or a need for genuine expression in an increasingly complex musical environment or both ? ?

I would vote for both I think .

I have dubbed the movement " Prog-Jazz" . Remember you heard the term here first . Hopefully it wont become a much derided term like "Prog-Rock" or "Fusion" .

Herbie Hancock ( hired singers)
Miles Okasaki ( no lyrics ) (hired singer)
Seamus Blake ( no solos) ( sings)
Kris Bauman / the dang-it-bobbys (no jazz solos only "chicken-picken") (sang)
Chris Tarry (hired singer)
Adam Klipple (hired singer)
Chris Ward (hired singer)
Ray Thistlewaite ( Australia - thirsty merc) ( no solos ) (sings)
Jess Green (sings)
Wayne Krantz (sings)
Tim Hopkins ( New Zealand) - ( "rap" singing also)
Kurt Rosenwinkel ( no lyrics ) (sings? )
Diana Krall (sings)
Dina Derose (sings)
Nicky Parrott (sings)
Debbie Kennedy (sings)
Keith Jarrett ( no lyrics ! )
Jenny Scheinman (sings)
Robert Glasper ( Rap )
Paul Grabowsky ( Australia - hired singers)
Steve Hunter ( Hired singers - sang one tune )
Rod White ( Australia - sang)
Gerard Masters ( Australia - sang )
Donny McCaslin ( hired singer )
Sean Wayland ( sang )

Old School
George Benson (sings)
Allan Holdsworth (hired singer)
Grady Tate (sings)
Tony Williams ( sings- raps )
Herbie Hancock (sings-raps)
Dig ( Australia - hired singers/rappers)

Can you think of any more ? Please let me know